Acts of Service

Letter D represents the love language of Acts of Service. Examples might by mowing the yard, cleaning the pollen off the patio, cooking meals, washing clothes, vacuuming the floors, washing the dog, paying the bills, dealing with an insurance issues and paying the TAXES………anything that you know your spouse would love for you to help with or to do on your own. It is an expression of love. It requires planning, effort, and energy.

Doing things for each other—there it is—its not about me! Attempting to force someone to do something for you will not work and creates a resentful spirit. Love is always given freely. Requesting an act of service will go a long way in the flow of love but demanding it will stop love in its tracks.

The author of the book 5 Languages of Love suggest couples sit down and each make a list of the top 4 request—things you would really like your spouse to do as acts of service. Discuss the lists with each other. If your spouse chooses to do these things on your list would you feel more loved? (it is about the effort—choices made for another). You may not like to make the bed every morning but if your spouse feels love because you are making the bed, then you have accomplished an act of service that is meaningful to the person you love.
If you are not an act of service person and you have loved your spouse by your love language—you likely have felt overwhelmed because it never seemed as though you did or said enough. They don’t know your are loving them because it is your language and not theirs. If it is their language, what are their most important acts of service?

Mr. Chapman makes several observations about the language of love and acts of service.

The perceptions of marriage are influenced by our parents, our personality, our perceptions of love, our emotions, our needs, and our desires. Our idea of marriage before and after may be different then what you thought. Those ideas are shaped from the actions we have observed and lived while growing up and may be stereotypical.

Mr. Chapman observed people tend to criticize their spouse in the area they themselves have the deepest emotional need. The example the author chose was the hunting husband and the wife that complains her husband hunts too much. The complaint is not really about the hunting it is about the time the husband is not spending with the wife or the family

Love is a choice and must not be coerced. We need to listen to the request of our spouse and not decide that we know their request………......ask them!